I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
