I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
