just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
