Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
