Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
