He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We are two peas in an std pod
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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