I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize