Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
