just tell him i said nine months
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he was CRYING into my vagina
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
