i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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