I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
