Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize