is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I enjoy the company of your penis
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
