dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
