He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
