So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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