oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
