you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize