i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize