hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
