I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
