Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
