whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
