I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
