The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
