Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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