That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
