never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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