i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
