You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
