The maid of honor just puked.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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