i was born a porn star she said
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
