Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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