bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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