you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
