Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
