my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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