I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
