so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
