It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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