i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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