The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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