They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
