don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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