One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
