I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
MIDGETS
????
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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