Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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