what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
