I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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