We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
