I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
handjob tips. give me some.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I am one with the molecules
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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