you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
