if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
