I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
