remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
