i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
