He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
