This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
