I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
