Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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