Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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