just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
